Friday, June 8, 2012

what i learned at the yelling conference.

You can’t expect a child to manage their emotions if you can’t manage yours.

When I react emotionally to my child’s emotion, I am giving away power.

The only person in life I can control is me.

Do not allow your child to draw you into arguments, drama and yelling.

When my child sees me lose my cool, they don’t respect me because I am demonstrating I don’t respect myself.

When I’m angry and out of control, my child gets afraid.

When angry, I should sit down, back off, take a less defensive posture.

Never, never give in to tantrums, even when it’s at Wal-mart.

I have to take care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually in order to be a good parent.

My time is just as important as my child’s and my spouse’s.

Kids crave control, but they really need autonomy, choices and ownership.

Don’t project your childhood issues on your child. He is NOT you.

Don’t overcompensate for your parents’ deficiencies with you.

Kids today are managed every second of the day. Because of that, they have more control issues and are more dependent.

Keep your promises. If you say you are going to do something, do it.

Don’t talk so much. Talking isn’t leadership.

When a child melts down, don’t give him control, give him options.

Love and defend your child.

Don’t criticize so much. Talking and lecturing provokes your kids.

Shaking your head, sighing, body language all provoke your kids. That can destroy them.

Yelling at your child in front of people is humiliating to him. You should be his number one advocate and protector.

Don’t go toe to toe, it never ends well.

Draw your child to you. Don’t push him away because he is angry.

Kids crave attachment. Sit down with them, spend time with them. That is the best thing you can do to connect and to hear what is really going on in their minds/hearts.

Think positively about your child.

Praise your child with specificity and intensity. Don’t just say, "You’re the greatest kid ever." Compliment him on specific behaviors so he knows it’s authentic.

My child needs to know that I can handle him at his worst.

Once I teach my child self-control, he has a skill for life.

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