DWTS premieres tonight! And tomorrow night! And Wednesday night!

Dancing with the Stars, the best show ever in the history of network television, premieres its new season with a three-night live premiere. No, Marie Osmond's not back (cue video of her passing out last season), but a host of potential trainwrecks are on the roster. I'll let you be the judge. Here they are, in alphabetical order: Lance Bass, Tony Braxton, Brooke Burke, Rocco Dispirito, Maurice Greene, Kim Kardashian, Cloris Leachman, Cody Linley, Susan Lucci, Misty May-Treanor, Ted McGinley, Jeffrey Ross and Warren Sapp. Not sure who some of these people are? Me neither, but in DWTS world, celebrity is kind of a relative term. The premiere begins tonight. I can hardly wait for host Tom Bergeron's whimsical banter with the Kermit-voiced Samantha Harris.